Upstart Services, Poetry & Advice

What a Great Break!

2010-02-18T14:07:00.000-08:00

Did you hear about the woman who, when told to have a nice trip, tripped over a suitcase and cut her eye the night before traveling to a conference on domestic violence? How embarassing that was! I wore huge, Jackie-O or Sophia Loren sunglasses for the whole conference because just telling the story on myself was such a pain in the neck. Now, of course, ten years later, I've topped that.

As an actress I've heard "break a leg" numerous times and thought nothing of it. But it all came back to haunt me on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009 in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Crossing over a dog fence between the living room and the kitchen my right foot made it, but the toes of the left foot caught and I went down on all fours (proving again that I have many cat-like qualities) and broke the left femur from the knee up.

I lay there for many long minutes, with a bag of ice to hold the pain at bay and a blanket to stave off the shock, resting my legs on a beanbag chair and thinking about how to, or if it would be necessary to, go to the hospital. Then, I tried to roll over to get up, saw and felt the separating bone under the skin and muscle and called 911.

But this is a story of joy. I met caring, wonderful people in the hospital for three days. I had surgery that relieved my physical pain. I was released on Christmas Day in the evening and got a chance to spend time with my son and his family. Over the next week his family became my family, too. I was absorbed into the center of this group of awesome folks and, yes, there is more! I met a fabulous little nine and a half month old person who laughed for me and walked for me and fell asleep on me. I had a great chance to bond with Tenzin Gabriel Moe, my greatgrandson.

When I returned home to San Jose, I was surrounded with loving, helping friends. People brought me food, cleaned my house, fed my cat, washed my clothes. I was held in the hands of Source and comforted.

Yes, this broken leg taught me patience, gracious receiving and how to ask for help. I also can count the pearls of friends on my necklace of life. AND I have a new, interesting scar to tell a story about. What's bad? Nothing.

Not a Tweet, This One

2009-05-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

My book, my baby [6 Books in Search of a Point] is on the virtual shelf at Amazon, and the next book is a birthing in my brain. Actually, there are several in this old brain now that I know I really did it. And I can do it again. And I will do it again, maybe several times.

I wonder if I'm the Grandma Moses of writing. It feels like I'm a late starter, but then I was out gathering experiences to be gleaned for these books -- non-fiction, fiction and more poetry.

Life feels new again. Recognizing the seventeen year old living in my heart who has waited for this moment to be let loose is like looking in the mirror and seeing your parents -- a big shock.

At least I've started writing anew.

Talk About Shooting Yourself in the Foot!!

2007-01-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

You’re looking for a job. You update your resume and send it off. After you’ve emailed out about 50 copies, you notice that in your “public service position” – the most recent employment – you left out the “l” of the word public. Oops! Won’t get hired by any of those employers, now, will you?

Too often, job seekers will ask a friend to look at their resume, but the problem is that those elusive errors that slip right by us jump up and bite the HR professional in the nose. How about items on the skills list that are repeated, such as:
· Strong work ethic
· Attention to detail
· Team player
· Self motivated
· Attention to detail
This is just sad. Some human resources people will call regarding this resume and give a heads-up that something is wrong, but most won’t. They will just file it in the round file, and the applicant will never hear why.

There are people who have transposed numbers in their telephone or email. There are folks who have misrepresented themselves as working longer at a position, by error, because the year was mistyped. There are applicants who make a tiny error in their on-line application or resume to a big job bank, like www.bayareajobs.com or www.caljobs.com and will never get a hit from that place, because employers count errors in as part of the whole person.

Sure, looking for a job is a time of nervous energy taking the place of clear thinking, but when it comes to being judged by the document you submit, don’t let your stress get in the way of perfection. Hire the professional whose job is not only to write you well, present you well, but also to make sure that it is error-free. The money that you spend to get your resume written is an investment that will be returned by more interviews and an earlier hire date.

Chain of Changes

2006-10-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

How quickly everything can change. One day you think that the sea is smooth and the sails are furled and less than a day later the sails are in tatters and the storm has passed over and you're trying to catch your breath.

The family grew the same day of the last post, and became oppressive because there was a terrible financial chasm growing between the debtors and the creditors, and I can only assume that the oppression was one of the reasons that the family of two that grew to five needed to shrink by one as of October 17. Isn't that strange? One month of growing darkness, squalls and eddies and now the sea has regained her calm, even if there is flotsam and jetsom to be pulled out and salvaged.

As life goes on, and I gather the crew for cleaning up and setting straight in the aftermath of this hurricane, I suppose that my heart is out there floating and will be recovered as part of the project. Today, it just is difficult to breathe at times, and I feel that catch at the back of my throat, but then I take the next right step and smile.

Random Thoughts

2006-09-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

This past week has been just a quilt of phrases from songs, those running through my mind and those I've heard sung at me. More than once someone sang "Do You Know the Way to San Jose?" when I revealed where I came from. And I hummed, whistled and sang "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" more than once as well, sort of in self defense one time.

Watching co-dependence in action, and watching co-dependents using the tools we've learned about how to maintain boundaries and how to show respect for ourselves and others has been a real education.

I actually have been doing the homework assignment. It sort of surprises me, but maybe I am ready to go back to school. Maybe I know how to use and value the information this time.

Time to get on the plane soon. I must pack up the computer and get on my way.

Natural Fabrics and Hand Dyeing

2006-08-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

Nancy Sun saw a television program that changed her life.

Nancy spent fourteen years in the high-tech industry. When she became the mom of twins, and decided to stay home with them, she had a lot of time to watch TV (Not!), but last year she did happen to catch a story about indigo -- a natural plant dye -- being used in a hand process, in central China. She traveled to the rural village where fabric is still being dyed this natural way and decided to start an internet store to import the fabrics. She designed some clothing and after contracting to have it made there, she opened her shop.

Only a little more than a year later Indigo Passion by Sun is taking off. These traditional styles fashioned of natural cotton or linen and dyed by hand in the same way it was done over 500 years ago are now available. I love the beautiful colors that are available and the idea of supporting hand-crafted products available right here at reasonable prices. You can see a partial catalog (the site is under construction as I write this) at www.indigopassion.com.

Please visit and say "Salle sent me."

The Importance of Food

2006-08-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

My brothers became gourmet chefs, for their private consumption, because they missed the food. I became a gourmand consumer of vast quantities of everything, because I missed the food.

It was always only the food that brought us together -- good, sometimes great, food. I remember rolling pie dough with Daddy and icing cakes with Mom. I remember Mommy-made cookies and Daddy-made candy -- all kinds of candy -- at Christmas time to give for gifts, to ourselves mostly.

For instance, there was that Thanksgiving that we sat around the ten-foot diameter table that he built for the occasion, with 14 adults in a circle, and the 10 kids in the other room at card tables and TV trays. We started with hors d'ouevres of bits of things on crackers and hand-trimmed toast with wine. Then there were shrimp cocktails for the adults and tomato juice for the kids. Three bottles of wine accompanied the meal. There were two 20-lb turkeys and too many side dishes -- two kinds of stuffing, apple/raisin and chestnut; three kinds of cranberry sauce (two canned, one with berries and one jellied, and fresh chopped berries and oranges); hand-mashed potatoes made with cream and 1/2 a pound of butter with giblet gravy; candied yams with marshmallows melted brownly over the top; two green bean dishes (they had been picked one by one from the grocer's bin) with fresh mushrooms and slivered almonds (depending on the whims of the chef); corn coblets dripping in butter; a large mixed-greens salad with tomatoes, croutons and hand-shaken oil & vinegar dressing; a large dish of olives, three kind of pickles, carrot sticks, celery sticks, green onions, radishes and cucumber sticks; fresh rolls hand-punched and risen with real butter or margarine; and three kinds of pies for dessert -- pumpkin with fresh whipped cream, apple with cheddar cheese and cherry with ice cream,

And then, three hours later, after dinner, while the kids were running around in the twilight, the adults sat around the table and discussed politics, religion and other taboo subjects before running wet fingers around the rims of singing wine glasses and breaking into song and laughter.

This is why food is important. It brings people together.

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

2006-06-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

Redefining oneself can be arduous work. First of all, you need to know who you were. When that face/mask is so amorphous that you're only seeing through a smoked mirror, well, where do you go from there?

First I was a big sister, with all the flotsam and jetsam of the sibling sea. All too soon, that was an unnecessary title with unnecessary duties as my little brothers grew to be little people. Next I was a student, but that was less than taxing. If I showed up, I was in the top 5% of the class and didn't even break a sweat (except from the bicycle rides to school, being perpetually late, and the allergies I was painfully aware of during field sports).

Then I was a gaijin, teaching in Japan for five years. When I returned to San Jose for working on my Masters, I fell back into teaching as an easy out from "working." My standard phrase of response to "How do you like your job?" was, "Don't tell anyone, but I would do this for free, if I didn't like eating so much."

Oh, I'm forgetting the drama/comedy mask of actress that started when I was "Sarah Bernhardt" before my brothers were born until my last stage appearance in Japan in pantomime skits with my teacher. The acting phase spanned about 35 years in all.

I morphed from teacher into program director in such an easy way that I didn't recognize that change had occurred until after the fact. Then I was forced into another category, that of the unemployed, where I joined many of my former colleagues in the non-profit field serving refugees and immigrants. So I decided to become a catalyst for change and studied neuro-linguistic programming as my vehicle for doing that. That never got off the ground. Now I am studying counseling for alcoholics and drug addicts (seems like just another form of social work to me, with all the rules and case management details keep track of for answering to the government), but something has not yet jelled.

Let's go back a few steps. Dream #1, when I graduated from high school, was to return to that high school and teach English and drama. About 25 years later, without even remembering the dream until I was in the second year of being there, I achieved it via a slight variation of teaching Japanese and directing the semester productions. Okay, next! Dream #2, I would reconnect with my estranged son. This took about three years to begin and a total of eight years to achieve, but we are now the friends I promised him as an infant that we would be. Dream #3, I would perform on the radio as announcer and do "voice-over" work. This one took less time to achieve, about 18 months. Dream #4, I would have my own business. Now we come to my current dilemma. A little over a year ago I determined that this would happen, and took the steps to get it going. That's not the problem. I have an entity name, pay taxes and have existed as Upstart Services since April 2005. That's not the problem. The problem is (ta-DAH!!) what does my business do?

I started writing resumes, but people who need resumes have no work, hence no money. Can't get rich that way. Then I tried selling mobile homes. Selling is not my millieu. Then I started a "behavior change" business, but who am I to tell people what they should or should not do? Nope, not for me. Now, using the NLP with ADAC training I may, in the far distant future, open a practice helping people suffering from their own choices to know that they can have better control than that. But that's the future, not today.

I have written since I could hold a crayon. Words have always been more interesting than any picture of a tree or a horse. Today I am a writer of poetry for myself. Many people have said, "Publish!" but I'm just not ready to let people read my bare, naked words to themselves. I want to record and share the sound. But I can help others find their own voice, through listening to their desire to communicate and guiding them to the words that will bring clarity to their own message. Now that I am a compassionate listener, I can wed this to my production skills and build a business of helping -- as I want to do -- by guiding the busy writer toward his or her own voice.

Yes!! That's it. I'm an editor. This feels so right.

Pro-Crass-Ti-Nation

2006-06-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

I really want to do things, and in a timely way. I want to keep things going, too. But it's just so hard to keep up the momentum, sometimes, you know? It's just easier to erase the URL for the blog, so that you actually have to search for it. Then take months to do just that!

And then, by the title, I make a joke of it all. Isn't that just like me? It's hard to take things seriously, however, when I live in this nation where the most important thing being discussed -- right in the middle of Iran and Korea thinking about getting together to blow up the world -- in our wonderful Senate and House, at the personal request of our brilliant and charming President (points lower in the polls, too bad), is who cannot get married.

Okay, back to putting things off. Tea, a drink with jam and bread. I went to a tea tasting the other Sunday. It was a very good thing to do on a rainy day with a friend. It is amazing how fanatical people can get about little leaves, but there were a few differences that even my jaded palate (I was going to spell it "palette" or "pallet". Isn't that hilarious?) could tell some difference between some of the teas. The mother-daughter team had six different liquid flavors to taste and three different dried leaf combos in saucers to smell. Yummy.

Still putting things off, I'm finding it surprising how money is the measure of all things. Now that gasoline is so expensive that I had to get a second job (outside of just living, which is great hours but the pay is pretty lousy) to support tuition and transportation to classes in counseling in Santa Cruz, I'm finding more and more price tags on things that I thought were "gratis" or at least offered graciously. Oh well, if that's the way of the world, I think I would like to buy a ticket out of here, but it's too expensive.

As for the "pro" part of the title, I just feel that I have become quite polished and professional in my ability to put things off, so I consider myself a professional procrastinator. Ah, if only I could get paid what I'm worth for that!

THE LADY LOVE & THE LADY LUCK ARE FRIENDS[ a vanity project ]: What's The Big (Hair) Deal?

2006-04-16T02:57:00.000-07:00

THE LADY LOVE & THE LADY LUCK ARE FRIENDS

a vanity project

: What's The Big (Hair) Deal?

Simplicity...: Flowers...

2006-04-16T01:36:00.000-07:00

Simplicity...: Flowers...

Getting Back in the Saddle

2006-04-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since anything was posted here. It's not that I don't think about it. I do. It's not that I don't have lots of things to say. I do. It's not that I don't have time. I do. No, the thoughts are there, the themes are there and even the time is there. I think that what hasn't been there for a while is the incentive.

Yep, I lost my incentive. Where could it be, I wonder? I've looked for it for a while. I looked in all the usual places. You know them. Under the couch cushions and behind the mirror. On top of the dresser between the jewelry boxes. In all the pockets of all my sweaters and jackets hanging in my closet. But, nope, no incentive. I have almost forgotten what it looked like.

Today I decided to get serious about the search. I vacuumed the whole house, even moving the furniture. I swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I dusted each cranny and nook. Yuck, lots of spider webs, but still no incentive. It's Spring now, even though the weather is not quite agreeing, so the cleaning was necessary anyway, but my highest priority in doing all this work was to dig up the incentive that it would take to get me back into the blog groove.

I got side-tracked a couple of times, too. For instance, while cleaning out the litter box, the cats reminded me that it was time to eat. And then there was the 12 Step meeting I took time off for. And the telephone calls I answered and made. All these distractions, but I maintained my general focus - "incentive, incentive, in-CEN-tive!" And then, just when I was about to give up and go to bed [after all, SNL was over and I was feeling a bit sleepy] I remembered that I needed to check the lottery ticket my husband bought on Friday to see if we could start the corporation sooner rather than later. I dug the ticket out of my purse and Googled the California Lottery Home site, then added it to Favorites under Our Money. After I clicked on Winnings and went to the Mega Millions page and found that we didn't even get a $3.00 winning this week (we got $11.00 last week), I felt a bit disappointed and decided to cruise Favorites.

That's when I found my incentive. I looked under Salle Personal and saw Blogger Upstart Services and that led me here. My incentive was right there under my nose! All I needed to find was the blank Create a New Post screen to feel an urge to fill it. Ah, this feels good, to be back in the saddle, writing again. Thanks, Blogspot, for waiting to remind me that I need to write in order to keep the incentive up. It won't be so long before the next post, I promise.

A Phone Call from the Kid

2006-03-21T18:34:00.000-08:00

My adult son called the other day and left me a message in my voice mail that really is making me think. I want to share it with you and then, please, let me know what you think about it. Is this true for you?

"The finest warriors want to be farmers and the finest farmers want to be warriors."

Don't Forget to Live

2006-03-21T18:28:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain plopping onto the ground?
Have you ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask "How are you?" do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the at least 100 tasks running through your head?
Have you ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow."
And in your haste, not seen his sorrow?
Have you ever lost touch & let a good friendship die?
Just take a moment to call to say "Hi."
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....Thrown away...
Life is not a race. Take it slower.
Hear the music before the song is over.

Author Unknown

The Biggest Problem of All

2006-03-19T13:06:00.000-08:00

Our human need -- our human greed -- is so big that we want to be loved more than we want to love.

Elementary Émigré

2006-02-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

I came here a six years ago.
I was but a babe.
I was born in another land,
Not the land of my mother’s birth.
My mother speaks two languages –
Italian and Vietnamese –
And I speak two languages,
But they are not the same.
My mother escaped her land
Spending antique jewels for a boat ride
Not knowing that neighbors
Would attack and take the food
And water from innocent passengers.
I don’t know this from my mother.
She doesn’t talk of this.
I read books and watch movies
And listen when the old ones talk.
Then I imagine how things really were.

The Made-up Holiday

2006-02-20T08:21:00.000-08:00

When I was a child, there were two holidays in February outside of Valentine's Day. I mean real holidays, when the school was closed and stores were open, but most official functions were shut down. They, of course, honored two of the most important men to have lived in this country, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

These men were important because they had been presidents of the United States, but there was more. George Washington could have been king and declined that honor in order to show us all just what a common-person country we should be. Abraham Lincoln was a man so burdened by troubles and dark depression in his own life, but he gave light to tens of hundreds, and that light continues to shine as the USA continues to define diversity and show a beacon to the world of acceptance and justice.

Now those holidays are cheapened by inclusivity -- all presidents are honored on one day. Okay, it may take a lot to achieve the position of power that the president is in the world today, but not all of our presidents have been so honorable that we can lump them together into the same bag of prestige. There were Teapot Dome and Watergate that brought a down-turning of that lamp the lady in the harbor carries. There have been made-up gossips and crises that have affected the honor of the office. And so we're supposed to honor each of these men equally?

Rescind this holiday and go back to giving due to those who have earned it.

CENTER ON PRINCIPLES by Stephen R. Covey

2006-02-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

Real character development begins with the humble recognition that we are not in charge, that principles ultimately govern. I don't talk much about ethics and values because to me those words imply situational behaviors, subjective beliefs, social mores, cultural norms, or relative truths. I prefer to talk about universal principles and natural laws that are more absolute. You may think that it's just a matter of semantics and that when most people talk about values they really mean these universal principles.

But I see a clear difference between principles and values. Hitler was value-driven; Saddam Hussein was value-driven. Every person and organization is driven by what they value. But they aren't necessarily ethical or principle-centered.

The Humility of Principles
The key to quality of life is to be centered on principles. We're not in control; principles are in control. We're arrogant when we think we are in control. Yes, we may control our actions, but not the consequences of our actions. Those are controlled by principles, by natural laws.

Building character and creating quality of life is a function of aligning our beliefs and behaviors with universal principles. These principles are impersonal, external, factual, objective, and self-evident. They operate regardless of our awareness of them, or our obedience to them. If your current lifestyle is not in alignment with these principles, then you might trade a value-based map for a principle-centered compass. When you recognize that external verities and realities ultimately govern, you might willingly subordinate your values to them and align your roles and goals, plans, and activities with them. But doing so often takes a crisis: your company's downsizing; your job's on the line; your relationship with the boss goes sour; you lose a major account; your marriage is threatened; your financial problems peak; or you're told you have just a few months to live. In the absence of such a catalytic crisis, we tend to live in numbed complacency so busy doing good, easy, or routine things that we don't even stop to ask ourselves if we're doing what really matters. The good, then, becomes the enemy of the best.

Humility is the mother of all virtues: the humble in spirit progress and are blessed because they willingly submit to higher powers and try to live in harmony with natural laws and universal principles. Courage is the father of all virtues: we need great courage to lead our lives by correct principles and to have integrity in the moment of choice. When we set up our own self-generated or socially-validated value systems and then develop our missions and goals based on what we value, we tend to become laws unto ourselves, proud and independent. Pride hopes to impress; humility seeks to bless.

Just because we value a thing doesn't mean that having it will enhance our quality of life. No "quality movement" in government, business, or education will succeed unless based on "true north" principles. And yet we see leaders who cling to their current style based on self-selected values and bad habits even as their "ship" is sinking when they could be floating safely on the life raft of principles. Nothing sinks people faster in their careers than arrogance.

Arrogance shouts "I know best." In the uniform of arrogance, we fumble and falter pride comes and goes before the fall. But dressed in humility, we make progress. As the character Indiana Jones learned in The Last Crusade, "The penitent man will pass." In pride, we often sow one thing and expect to reap another. Many of our paradigms and the processes and habits that grow out of them never produce the results we expect because they are based on illusions, advertising slogans, program-of-the-month training, and personality-based success strategies. Quality of life can't grow out of illusion. So how do we align our lives with "true north" realities that govern quality of life?

Four Human Endowments
As human beings, we have four unique endowments: self-awareness, conscience, independent will, and creative imagination that not only separate us from the animal world, but also help us to distinguish between reality and illusion, to transform the clock into a compass, and to align our lives with the extrinsic realities that govern quality of life. Self-awareness enables us to examine our paradigms, to look at our glasses as well as through them, to think about our thoughts, to become aware of the psychic programs that are in us, and to enlarge the separation between stimulus and response.

Self-aware, we can take responsibility for reprogramming or re-scripting ourselves out of the stimulus-response mode. Many movements in psychology, education, and training are focused on an enlarged self-consciousness. Most popular self-help literature also focuses upon this capacity. Self-awareness, however, is only one of our unique endowments.

Conscience puts us in touch with something within us even deeper than our thoughts and something outside us more reliable than our values. It connects us with the wisdom of the ages and the wisdom of the heart. It's an internal guidance system that allows us to sense when we act or even contemplate acting in a way that's contrary to our deepest values and "true north" principles. Conscience is universal. By helping companies and individuals develop mission statements, I have learned that what is most personal is most general. No matter what people's religions, cultures, or backgrounds are, their mission statements all deal with the same basic human needs to live (physical and financial),to love (social), to learn (educational), and to leave a legacy(spiritual).

Independent will is our capacity to act, the power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream, to re-write our scripts, to act based on principles rather than reacting based on emotions, moods, or circumstances.

While environmental or genetic influences may be very powerful, they do not control us. We're not victims. We're not the product of our past. We are the product of our choices. We are "response-able," meaning we are able to choose our response. This power to choose is a reflection of our independent will.

Creative imagination empowers us to create beyond our present reality. It enables us to write personal mission statements, set goals, plan meetings, or visualize ourselves living our mission statements even in the most challenging circumstances. We can imagine any scenario we want for the future. If our imagination has to go through the straightjacket of our memory, what is imagination for? Memory is limited. It's finite; it deals with the past. Imagination is infinite; it deals with the present and the future, with potentiality, with vision and mission and goals with anything that is not now but can be. The man-on-the-street approach to success is to work harder, to give it the "old college try." But unless willpower is matched with creative imagination, these efforts will be weak and ineffective.
Nurturing Our Unique Gifts
Enhancing these endowments requires us to nurture and exercise them continuously. Sharpening the saw once a week or once a month just isn't enough. It's too superficial. It's like a meal. Yesterday's meal will not satisfy today's hunger. Last Sunday's big meal won't prepare me for this Thursday's ethical challenge. I will be much better prepared if Immeditate every morning and visualize myself dealing with that challenge with authenticity, openness, honesty, and with as much wisdom as I can bring to bear on it.

Here are four ways to nurture your unique endowments.
Nurture self-awareness by keeping a personal journal. Keeping a personal journal a daily in-depth analysis and evaluation of your experiences is a high-leverage activity that increases self-awareness and enhances all the endowments and the synergy among them.

Educate your conscience by learning, listening, and responding. Most of us work and live in environments that are rather hostile to the development of conscience. To hear the conscience clearly often requires us to be reflective or meditative a condition we rarely choose or find. We're inundated by activity, noise, conditioning, media messages, and flawed paradigms that dull our sensitivity to that quiet inner voice that would teach usof "true north" principles and our own degree of congruency with them. I've heard executives say that they can't win this battle of conscience because expediencies require lies, cover-ups, deceit, or game playing. That's just part of the job, they say. I disagree. I think such rationalization undermines trust within their cultures. If you have back-room manipulation and bad mouthing, you will have a low-trust culture.

A life of total integrity is the only one worth striving for. Granted, it's a struggle. Some trusted advisors, PR agents, accountants, legal counselors might say, "This will be political suicide," or "This will be bad for our image, and so let's cover up or lie." You have to look at each case on its own merit. No case is black and white.

It takes real judgment to know what you should do. You may feel that you operate "between a rock and a hard place." Still, with a well-educated conscience or internal compass, you will rarely, if ever, be in a situation where you only have one bad option. You will always have choices. If you wisely exercise your unique endowments, some moral option will be open to you.

So much depends on how well you educate your conscience, your internal compass. When my kids were in athletics, they paid the price to get their bodies coordinated with their minds. You've got to do the same with your own conscience regularly. The more internal uncertainty you feel, the larger the grey areas will be. You will always have some grey areas, particularly at the extremity of your education and experience. And to grow, you need to go to that extremity and learn to make those choices based on what you honestly believe to be the right thing to do.
Nurture independent will by making and keeping promises. One of the best ways to strengthen our independent will is to make and keep promises. Each time we do, we make deposits in our personal integrity account the amount of trust we have in ourselves, in our ability to walk our talk. To build personal integrity, start by making and keeping small promises. Take it a step and a day at a time.

Develop creative imagination through visualization. Visualization, a high-leverage mental exercise used by world-class athletes and performers, may also be used to improve your quality of life. For example, you might visualize yourself in some circumstance that would normally create discomfort or pain. In your mind's eye, instead of seeing yourself react as you normally do, see yourself acting on the basis of the principles and values in your mission statement. The best way to predict your future is to create it.

Roots Yield Fruits
With the humility that comes from being principle-centered, we can better learn from the past, have hope for the future, and act with confidence, not arrogance, in the present. Arrogance is the lack of self-awareness; blindness; an illusion; a false form of self-confidence; and a false sense that we're somehow above the laws of life. Real confidence is anchored in a quiet assurance that if we act based on principles, we will produce quality-of-life results. It's confidence born of character and competence. Our security is not based on our possessions, positions, credentials, or on comparisons with others; rather, it flows from our own integrity to "true north" principles.

I confess that I struggle with total integrity and do not always "walk my talk." I find that it's easier to talk and teach than to practice what I preach. I've come to realize that I must commit to having total integrity to be intre, their mission statements all deal with the same basic human needs to live (physical and financial),to love (social), to learn (educational), and to leave a legacy (spiritual).

Independent will is our capacity to act, the power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream, to re-write our scripts, to act based on principles rather than reacting based on emotions, moods, or circumstances.

While environmental or genetic influences may be very powerful, they do not control us. We're not victims. We're not the product of our past. We are the product of our choices. We are "response-able," meaning we are able to choose our response. This power to choose is a reflection of our independent will.

Creative imagination empowers us to create beyond our present reality. It enables us to write personal mission statements, set goals, plan meetings, or visualize ourselves living our mission statements even in the most challenging circumstances. We can imagine any scenario we want for the future. If our imagination has to go through the straightjacket of our memory, what is imagination for? Memory is limited. It's finite; it deals with the past. Imagination is infinite; it deals with the present and the future, with potentiality, with vision and mission and goals with anything that is not now but can be. The man-on-the-street approach to success is to work harder, to give it the "old college try." But unless willpower is matched with creative imagination, these efforts will be weak and ineffective.

Love

2006-02-10T16:43:00.000-08:00

Love, like falling leaves of autumn,
makes us all remember sadly
all the days of early childhood
we would return to, if given chance
through falling word from sleeper's lips
or mother come to capture loved ones.

As your lover lays beside you
and softly snores his dreams away
your remember only your childhood
and the lovely, passed on days,
but as he wakes and kisses tender
befall your lips from his,
you remember only the present
and your lover's words of praise.

Great Resources

2006-02-10T16:40:00.000-08:00

If you are interested in buying a product or service at the same time you're supporting small and large businesses run by women, please visit www.ewomennetwork.com

You won't be sorry. You can search by category or business or owner's name. Make great contacts, and build the economy of the world!

Wait! Stop! Don't Think!!

2006-02-10T16:15:00.000-08:00

Meditation is a slippery grab,
Holding onto what one shouldn't
Want. Ah, that target of
Zen desirelessness that was
My bowling, one distant misty day.
Zen desirelessness of the old chief,
"Today is a good day to die."
Incongruent, illogical and
Subconscious connection to the All.
Trust only experience?
There there is no trust at all,
For subjective experience cannot have
A priori reality on which to base
One's sensual intake evaluation.
Life should be so simple!

I am NOT Borderline Personality Disordered! So There!

2006-02-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Breath of Life

2006-02-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

Weighty, lying on my chest,
Across the highest ribs that
Rest under collar bone, this
Is her nest, her resting place.
She cares not for my book or
Program. She does not look
At my face for more than a
Moment, then her gaze lifts up
As if to watch a lazy summer fly.
But now it’s winter and no flies
Survive, so I know it’s just her
Way of keeping me in my place.
And then I feel it upon my cheek,
The tiniest caress, flowing from
Her nostrils poised just above.
This is the thing we share, or
At least a symbol of it. This is
The breath of life, given and
Returned, from cat to woman
And out to the farthest reaches
Of space, because the moon ring
Signals that travel is good tonight.
This is the breath of life, keeping
Us balanced and growing and
On the right path. Inside us,
It is chi and outside, moonbeams.

Be Careful What You Speak

2006-02-05T01:54:00.000-08:00

I didn’t know, couldn’t have known,
That you were being noble. My poem
Did not make it true, but you never know
How much your words can do. Be careful
What you say, for God can only affirm
Every syllable, to manifest what you would
Or wouldn’t do for yourself. This silver thread
From God to me, that ties my heart to what
I want to know, is a bond stronger than steel.
Now is the time for us to confirm everything
That has ever been said between. We must
Make sure that the Gods don’t hear what
We don’t want them to know. We must be
True to the image of purity that washes us
Through and through, because that river is
The Nile (a sad pun, but too real) that keeps
Us from the vision that our illusions veil.
Day after day, I try to say the wisdom
Of my heart, to speak my mind and let
You know what it is that I must say, but
If time and fear befriend me now, giving back
Some of lost past, to feed my soul with
Living vines of flowers that cannot last,
But fall away to be kicked aside along
My garden path, I can but look over my
Shoulder to see it trudging on, dust swirls
At its feet and halos on its crown. That is
The fear I’ve spoken of not so long ago,
Telling you what life was for this wraith
Who could not go forward or sideways but
Only look back, to beat herself with fear
Knowing that some fine day, she’d be
Meeting up with it here. And so she tries,
So very hard, to be careful how she says
The things she wants to have come through
And silence for the other. The Gods’ ears
Are well attuned to listening for lies, and
The Gods’ eyes are accustomed to seeing
What she wants – and more. She has not
Fooled anyone, except her foolish self,
With all this carefulness of words and
Soulful striving on. What God wants for
Us to know, we’ll know before we’re gone.

Breakthrough Your Comfort Zone to the Success Zone

2006-02-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

Picture this...
A little child is crawling around a new surrounding when they notice– for the first time – a huge staircase. As this little one gazes up at this new “object”, what thoughts do you think are going on in their mind? How do one-year-olds think about new things? How do they react to the unknown?
If you are around children, you know the response. They would say, "Wow, I've got to get to the top!"
Alternatively, do you think they would look up at the huge staircase and think, "Wow I've got to get to the top!" But, wait a minute…I didn't go to stair climbing school. Maybe I'm not ready. I'll just wait until I have my degree in stair climbing, and then watch me go!"
On the other hand, would this little one look up at the huge staircase and think, "Wow, I've got to get to the top. But wait… I might get hurt. I may fail. I've heard that 22% of one-year-olds fall on staircases. In fact, CNN just announced stair climbing as a code orange! It's too risky."
Or would this one-year-old think, "Wow, I've got to get to the top...But wait. What will my friends say? What if I succeed? They may think that I don't fit in with the group back in the sandbox. They might think I'm one of those snobby, famous stair climbers. You know what they say... It's lonely at the top. I better not. It's just too risky.
NOT! A one-year-old wouldn't say any of these things. A one-year-old is hungry for adventure! They have an inborn, risk-taking ability. It is their nature to risk! They see it. They want it. They take it. They taste it.
Now, listen to this: Every one of you reading this knows this child intimately; because this little one is YOU! You were once a one-year-old. You once had incredible risk-taking ability. You used to see it. Want it. Take it. Experience it with all your senses.
So, what happened? What happened to the natural risk-taking ability that you were born with?
Life happened. Circumstances occurred. Disappointments experienced. And you, like I did, began to let fear creep in. Slowly and surely, fear began to grow until it was bigger than your dream, bigger than your faith.
Have life’s circumstances and disappointments blocked out your risk-taking ability? Has fear crushed your hunger for adventure?
The first step to getting your hunger for adventure back is to recognize and honor your innate risk-taking ability. It is your nature to risk!
Understand that there are sometimes when evaluating risk and even being careful about risk is appropriate, but look around you. Isn’t there somewhere else in your life where stepping off the cliff would make more sense than being paralyzed by the fear? Breakthrough your comfort zone to the success zone!

Adapted from Lisa Jimenez, M. Ed.

I Am

2006-02-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

I am the poet whose words, like arrows, fling
Images into the world, to land at the feet of
Men and pigs. Dogs cock their heads and
Listen to my poems. Birds sit still and blink
Their black-button eyes to hear my wit. Even
A cat can hold her tongue whilst mine is
Being exercised. I am the voice of spirit
And soul who gives each hearer knowledge
She is whole and full of promise. I am
That one who sings in voices that can be
Heard and understood by any language
Speaker, intuitively knowing the message
Is meant for him alone. I am the one who
Knows that each moment is pregnant with
Choice, and hopes for optimistic love to
Abound through. I am the one who mourns
The loss of hope in those who cannot see
Beyond the darkness they spew from within.
I am the leader to the path of change, knowing
That each and every one of us has choice,
And thereby more control than known. I am
The one who models attitude to the down-
Trodden and sore of bones and bread. I am
The one who brings life to the sad and dead
Survivors of abuse in this world with my
Words of joy and shouts of pain, connecting
With each spirit – that is only piece of spirit –
To make the light shine through. I am that one.

(c) 2006 Salle Hayden

The Comfort Zone

2006-02-01T08:52:00.000-08:00

There’s a small warm place between us
That will nourish both as it’s used to
Comfort us with music and light, and
Pounding rhythms of drums in the night.
There’s a kiss that will plant the seeds
And grow into a garden with bouquet
Of colors and varieties scented with
Posy-posing flowers, all with the same
Petals, but so different, each one with
A name that cannot be spoken because
It is not known. There’s a touch, so mild
It’s barely felt, that conveys desire too
Deep for words to speak, yet the words
Are not needed here. There’s a pressure,
Growing steadily, that returns to past
Mistakes and triumphs, intertwined with
All the moments of the Now to weave
A carpet of forever under our four feet.
There is a need, a hunger that can be
Fed here. This is a place we will sup
Again and – if lucky – again. But not
So many times to become bored or
Angry at what is not here. This is a
Place to rest awhile between the big
Important moments of our lives, the
Comfort Zone in which to be renewed.

(c) 2005 Salle Hayden

Financial Freedom is a Simple Equation

2006-02-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

My son is going though his second bankruptcy. This is a terrible time for him, with financial decisions he wishes he didn’t have to make and moral decisions he knows that his grandfather would abhor. I could feel the pain he was feeling because I too, very often wonder why it is that some people experience financial independence and others do not. It really is a mystery.

How to get financial independence is not a mystery however!

Rather, financial independence is a very simple thing. It is hard work and takes time, but the process is very simple! In fact, financial independence can come from following a very simple plan. All of the books on financial independence can ultimately be boiled down to this basic equation. It is an equation that is as simple as it gets. In fact, it isn't even a multiplication problem, it is an addition equation! And we all learned addition in the first grade! Just as 1 + 1 = 2, so does this powerful yet simple equation add up to real financial independence!

What is this equation? Get ready, your life is about to change forever if you will allow yourself to understand and live by the simplicity of this equation. Here it is:

Smart Decisions + Good Math = Financial Independence

Let's break it down and take a closer look:

Smart Decisions:

Get a solid academic education. You might say, "Okay, I get it, but most of the people on the Forbes 400 never went past high school." So did most of the people on the welfare line! Most people aren't Bill Gates or Sam Walton. Most people who earn from $100,000 to $150,000 a year are college graduates. "But I'm forty! I can't go to college." Yes you can. You will be 44 when you get out and have 21 years of a much better income. The fact is that most good jobs and careers go to those who have educated themselves. It is still the surest way to a long-term larger income. If you still don't want to go to college, see the last paragraph under smart decisions.

Get more training. At the very least go get some training in your specific area of expertise. The promotions will go to those who are the best trained, so become the best trained! Take a course, even if your employer won't pay for it, because eventually they WILL pay you for it!

Work hard. The many high achievers I know personally who have become and are becoming financially independent are hard workers. Every one of them works long hours. They sacrifice for the security they are shooting for and have attained. Yes, everyone gets emails that say, "Financial Independence in 10 hours a week." Let me ask you, have you met anybody like that? I haven't. Not a single one. Even the success stories you here in the get rich quick industries show you that they worked HARD!

Develop yourself. Become a better person. Better people get better jobs and get paid better dollars! Make sure that every day you are becoming a person who is on the growth track, raising yourself to a higher and higher level with each and every passing day! Eventually your development will catch up with you and your income will soar!

Stay out of debt. This is the smartest decision you will ever make. No Debt! If you have one bill to pay every month, your mortgage, that's a debt! But it is an investment with the added benefit of providing me and my family with shelter! There fore, I don’t consider a mortgage a debt. I’m talking about luxury debt for a car, a home entertainment system, or any kind of debt that does not improve your education, therefore building for your future. It is possible to postpone or live without the luxuries today so that you can build your financial freedom.

Own your own business if you can. If don't want to go to college, or did go to college and you just want to control your destiny and finances, the smart decision is to own your own business. Most millionaires in America are the people who own their own businesses. It takes risk, a lot of hard work, and many ups and downs, but owning your business gives you the opportunity to accumulate great wealth, because the profit is all yours.

Good Math:

Spend less than you earn. We learn 1 + 1 = 2 very early on. Eventually, we learn negatives and we learn that 1 – 2 = -1. That seems very simple, right? Yet many people live their lives in such a way that they spend more than their income and destroy their opportunity for long-term financial independence. There are two ways you can make this "good math" work for you. You can increase your income or you can decrease your spending. Increase your income by making the smart decisions listed above. Decrease your spending by making hard choices. One of these two options must be taken if you are going to achieve long-term financial independence.

Invest on a regular basis. To achieve financial independence, you will have to put away money regularly. This is a math principle of simple addition, but most people don't get it. Or if they do understand it, they don't practice it! Whether it is every paycheck, or the first of the month, or quarterly, or however you can do it – simply do it! When you hit 65 years of age, you will be glad you did. And if you put away enough and into the right investments, you may just be thankful a lot sooner than that!

Let your interest accrue. This is compounding and it is powerful! If you earn twelve percent on your money every year, do you know how soon it will be until you have twice as much as you started with? There is an investment rule called “the rule of 72.” That is, divide 72 by what average interest you make and that is how many years it takes to double your money. In this case, at twelve percent, your money doubles every six years! This works because you earn twelve percent on not only the original amount but the interest you earned as well. Start with $100 and the next year you have $112. If you take the $12 out then you will only make twelve percent on $100 again. If you let it accrue, you will make twelve percent on $112. This will cut almost two years off of the time it takes to double!

Where the real power comes in is over longer periods of time. Let's say someone dies and leaves you $25,000 when you are eighteen. You could do any number of things with that money:

1. Buy a snazzy car. This is not a good idea, though most eighteen year-olds would do just this.

2. Invest the money and take out the interest every year. This is nice. You have $3000 disposable income every year. Over forty-two years you make $126,000 for doing nothing and you still have $25,000 in your investment!

3. Here is the real deal! Leave the money alone at twelve percent (about the long-term average for the stock market). At the end of forty-two years you decide to retire and go to your investment summary to see how much you have. You find that your money doubled seven times leaving you with 3.2 million dollars! Can you retire on that? You betcha.

You can achieve financial independence. You can live the life you have always dreamed of. You can have a life where you have enough at all times, especially in the end. It is possible. You just have to make smart decisions and use good math!

To review:

Smart decisions:
· Go to college.
· Get better training.
· Work hard.
· Develop yourself.
· Stay out of debt.
· Own your own business.
Good math:
· Spend less than you earn.
· Investment some money regularly.
· Let your interest accrue.

Create the Right Affirmation for You

2006-02-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

How to approach building an affirmation for your life –

Write this in present tense, not future (I am, I have, I accept, etc.)
Be positive
Write them - short & specific - with your name
Use small steps toward big change
Repeat regularly during the day for at least one month, (start at new moon???) on a schedule that you can keep (rising or sleeping)
Meditate first to connect to higher self, higher power and spirit guides

I Am Earth Mother

2006-02-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

I’d write you a poem,
If I knew where I stood,
If I could think of something
That might not be wrong.
On such a short meeting
To feel so much –
To care about you with such
Small hope of return.
But Earth Mother overcomes.
I shall be here.
I shan’t wait for you.
I shall come to you,
To care.

Introduction

2006-01-31T13:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings and welcome to my blog. I am a neophyte at this so I hope you will indulge me for a few posts and not be impatient. My plan is to share some of the incredible wisdom I have been learning lately, publish some of my poetry/possible song lyrics, and just make another connection the the universe that IS.